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Humor
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Written by Tim Bonesho
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Well, my brand spanking new roof (see Scope Creep Version 2 when it's published) was installed about 3 weeks. On a bright sunny Saturday afternoon I started to mow my grass. After about the third pass around the yard, I happened to glance up at my new roof for no apparent reason. What I saw caused me to stop dead in my tracks.
There on my new roof starting near the peak of the roof and running down the front of the house for about 4 feet was a long white streak of unknown substance. Since the house is a 2 story, my guess was that the streak started out at a width of about 3-4" and tapered off as it ran down the roof.
Panic started to set in as I imagined creatins nailing my roof with eggs. A momentary return to reason ruled that out as the "drip line" was too long for an egg (maybe a ostrich egg would produce these results, but they are kinda scarce in central Indiana). I stopped the mower and headed into the house to get the binoculars so I could check things out from the safety of the ground (I don't do ladders anymore).
After studying the errant streak for several minutes, I started to fear that the roof may be oozing something as a result of the actual roofing job ... hey I'm no expert on roofing. I didn't have a clue of what was going on. I decided to wait until the next rain to see if my new roof ornament was permanent or just a passing who-knows-what.
Well, after a week or two we finally caught the much anticipated thundershower one evening. At first light I was out in the front year inspecting my roof. Whew... my streak had vanished. A collective sigh of relief was uttered by yours truly. About 2 weeks later, my roof was graced with another new streak in a different location. Now my curousity was really starting to get the better of me but I was still clueless as to what was going on.
Shortly after this discovery, I happened to take the pooch for a walk on a different route than we usually tromped. As I was walking her on the sidewalk on the other side of our adjoining retention pond, I noticed that another neighbor of mine also had one of these rude streaks running down his roof. I was starting to see a pattern emerge here. Roof... house adjoins retention pond = great white streak on roof! No indication of the cause yet...
Sometime later I was doing some yard work in the backyard. Our backyard abuts to the retention pond. Out of the corner of my eye I caught something large moving. I saw one of our resident blue heron's in low flight headed straight for my house! Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with the blue heron, picture a bird that looks like it survived Juraissic Park that stands about 3 feet tall and has a wing span of about 4 feet or so. I would estimate the weight of the big ugly bird to be 10+ pounds.
Ok, so the critter is flying low straight for my house. About 15 feet before it smacks into the house it does a power climb and lands on my roof! The creature looks un-gamely at best perched on my roof. Now the pieces of the puzzle are finally coming together. The big ugly bird is using the roof tops as a high perch to scout for fishy food in the retention pond. I suspect, but cannot confirm that it must clear it's digestive track (right on my brand spanking new roof)before diving to catch it's next meal... yikes. And friends, yes I do have the pictures to prove the point.
The Evidence
The Big Bad Ugly Bird On My Roof
Ok the great big roof streak mystery is finally solved. All I can say in closing is that I eagerly await the day when the retention pond freezes over and Big Ugly Bird departs for warmer climes during the winter and my brand spanking new roof is not besmeared with giant bird do-do.
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Humor 
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